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Reinventing the Wheel

Why is it OK to use others’ ideas in order to prevent “reinventing the wheel”, but we have to constantly reinvent ourselves to every person we meet to earn ourselves any value?

So, you leave college, change jobs, and suddenly that perfect attendance, A+ average and raving reviews from your college professors mean absolutely nothing. You have to perform above average on the corporate tasks set before you over and over again to once again gain that superior reputation.

Then, you change doctors three times in the last five years due to your medical coverage, and along the way all those years in a row of normal results mean nothing, and you have to start out at year one again and again (even though you’ve been in the same monogamous married relationship for the past three years and tested normal for the past 10 and had every detail of your past medical history faxed over each time). The new eye doctor also doesn’t get it until you’re there three years in a row. Then he says, well, something must be wrong.

You graduate college, get married, have a baby and after that, fall off the face of the Earth. It is difficult to renew that sense of excitement or level of care people have for you during those times. If you’re not shopping for a gown or picking up a layette, you’re nobody. Unless maybe you’ve somehow found the key ingredient to erasing laugh lines. Even then, you’d have to pitch your product with a huge marketing budget in order for anyone to hear about it.

Then, you’re in a nursing home with no visitors and your most exciting feat for the day is planting a fricken’ tomato seed. Most situations, relationships, types of people, and news events aren’t “fresh” to you anymore. You can’t bungee jump from a New York building anymore. And even if you were a world-renowned artist a few decades back, no one would stop long enough to learn about it because you’re not “fresh” anymore.

This is why it is so important to not write people off because the first time you saw them, they had a toothpaste smudge on their sleeve. Every one of my best friends will tell you that they didn’t think much of me when they first saw me. It took a long time and a lot of exploration to find out who I really was and that I might be worth being around. I myself have been surprised to find out certain things about people that I never would’ve imagined and found love in an unlikely place. I despised my own husband when I first met him. That’s the trouble. Most of us are all too dismissive. Try not to miss out next time, okay?

By the way, Miss Bride-of-the-Year, while we’re overjoyed about your union, please remember that once this is all over, the hype will disappear very rapidly. Try not to ruin friendships, pine over icing colors for too long, or float your head too high, because we all need you back on Earth, and we don’t want to have to cringe at the thought of you when you come back.

P.S. What is happening to cinnamon-flavored gum? This cure for my boredom-of-the-mouth (more on that in a later post) is disappearing from every well-stocked candy shelf imaginable. Wrigley’s cinnamon? Are you out there somewhere?

Extenuating Circumstances Make Great Friends

Sometimes it takes a tragedy, an emergency situation or an unlikely pairing on an eternal bus ride to deepen a connection between two rare souls. Sometimes it seems a tragedy in itself that it takes such extenuating circumstances to forge said connection.

I remember a woman I used to work with that reamed someone out for asking her how she was one day. Instead of just letting it go as a socially responsible thing to ask, she lectured him about the unfriendliness of the “how are you” question when he really had no regard for the answer. But would it have been more friendly to just ignore her and walk into the building without having said a word to her?

In a way, she was right though. These less-than-meaningful social graces we subscribe to don’t fulfill that deep desire for human connection. But it would be difficult to forge that connection with every single person we pass, and so these social graces keep us moving along in harmony.

However, wouldn’t it be nice, once in awhile, if we could form some deep bonds with the people we meet in passing? Without being couped up next to them in a bathroom during an hour-long tornado warning? Without lying next to them on an airport bench during severe winter weather that left you both stranded?

I have a neighbor that I’ve said “hello” to in passing. She’s right around my age with a little daughter. We seem to be in a similar sort of life situation in many respects, yet I didn’t even know her name for the first three years of living in my home. I mean, wouldn’t it be nice to have someone within breathing distance to laught about tantrums with, to exchange babysitting, to rave about the new sidewalks, and to whisper about our mates?

I have good friends, to be sure. But sometimes the logistics of separate cities, multiple children and different working hours leave little time for get-togethers, let alone grabbing a quick coffee. Wouldn’t it be nice to have someone so close by that you don’t need to think about packing your baby in the car, running for gas, and being home in time for dinner? And why not be close friends with a neighbor anyway?

So, we invited the neighbor, her daughter and boyfriend for a cookout during the summer. From my profile, you can see that I have a craving for connection. I tend to fall more on the reserved side though, so I let my husband do the talking. I mean, why not? Why not take those small opportunities and turn them into something remarkable? A tight group of close friends keeps us all happy, healthy, well-adjusted human beings. And they have nice warm homes to hide out in when you accidentally lock yourself out of the house.

Swallowing My Happy Pill

I am making a concerted effort with myself to actually follow through on methods that are tried-and-true and either backed by outside research or personal experience. It’s as though I have all the arsenal I need, I just need to shoot the damn gun! In this case, we’re focusing on personal happiness.

Just like in my previous post, I know good reasons why I shouldn’t skip gym sessions, but sometimes it takes a written refresher to revive the flame. The same goes with my happiness. I know what makes me happy, but when I’m having a true downer of a day, it seems like nothing will turn it around. So, I’ll have to train myself to just take a mindless approach, choose a method, and just do it without thinking! It’s kind of a wonder I don’t spend all my time, outside of work, rolling in these daisies.

Things I know will make me happy:

1. Spending time outdoors, such as hiking, swinging at the park, or just sitting in the backyard.

2. Sun exposure. OK I firmly promote the use of sunscreen always, always, always. One of the biggest mood boosts comes from the sun, but you’re not doing your body any favors by doing it without SPF.

3. Surrounding myself with music by the likes of Beth Orton, Rusted Root, Jewel, Miranda Lambert, Little BigTown, Norah Jones or any other artsy favorites.

4. Buying something decadent in a bottle, be it eye cream, red wine, or chutney. I’m not talking about retail therapy per se or emotional eating, just personal-care therapy. Vonnegut wrote that once a man stops taking care of himself, he dies.

5. Guided meditation. I know it sounds a little fruity–I am spiritual to a certain degree, but just listening to affirmations or nature noises for a few minutes has a way of settling the respiratory and nervous systems.

6. A good Yoga session

7. A good long run

8. Remembering past accomplishments, compliments or delights. This means, ahem, I need to start/keep a gratitude journal. Referring back to memorable moments has a way of sending out those happy little brain chemicals.

9. Attending church. We all have different ideas and beliefs when it comes to religion and spirituality, but personally I always feel a little bit lighter after a good service.

10. Re-runs of Sex and the City. (well…not right after church, but anyway…)

11. A good read. Usually some good chick lit. Now, I’m a pretty selective reader and I enjoy literature with depth or antiquity. But a little charming indulgence can go a long way for my disposition.

12. Related to 11 is a good blog. I’ve found some stimulating, motivating reads online that seem to leave me in a blissful state.

13. Snuggling

14. Almost anything that has to do with the baby if it doesn’t involve a diaper or whining. My favorites are dancing with him, holding his hand, sharing food with him, watching him sleep and breathe, playing drums with him, rocking him to sleep and so much more.

15. Eating a salad or tomato mixture with fresh ingredients from my own garden.

16. Growing seedlings.

17. And probably my all-time favorite would be a great massage. I think I’m going to book one, just as a preventative measure:)