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Putting a Little Love in My Heart

abstract heart
Picture from Zen on Flickr

I know it’s a few days late, but my heart was peeled open on Valentine’s day by a quick scan through an old journal I kept. I found the pages where my husband and I became an item. And the date–May of 2003! The story isn’t overly interesting, there is no plot climax, no sparkling lift-off. It’s all pretty tame. But the feelings I felt after reading it tell another story.

I could practically feel the butterflies again. I was reliving some of the conversations and critical moments. I was laughing about how he always tried to surprise me with things and the uncanny ways it never worked out. I was laughing at all the people on the roster that wanted us to start “going out.” I read aloud some of the sappy and funny things to my husband and we both enjoyed the good-humored reminiscing.

The next day, I woke up feeling like someone had hit the “refresh” button. There were emotions stirred up inside me that had long been forgotten. I looked at my husband like he still had some charm left:) Ha! But anyway, I felt very different. On a small high, if you will.

This got me thinking even further into using writing as cheap therapy. Writing down five things that were great about your day or nice things people said to you is rather healthy. I found some compliments in this same journal that gave me a bit of an emotional lift even this many years later, but I know I wasn’t thinking about that when I wrote them down. Write them down today and who knows what sort of joy they’ll bring in a year or five. I know exactly where I’ll turn when I need a little boost about the feelings of my marriage.

Wabi What-y?

Turns out my love of imperfect things dates back to ancient Japanese tradition. Who knew? You see, I had this doll when I was in third grade. I remember how all of our backpacks were lined up on pegs outside the third grade classroom. With the scarcity of homework back in those wee days, my backpack often held other schoolgirl treasures. For awhile, I carried this plastic doll with me everywhere. I was so worried that one of my arch nemeses would weasel their peanut-butter fingers into my bag and out me and my closet doll fetish.

You see, I found this plastic doll in the little attic offshoot of my bedroom. She was a bit bedraggled. Her hair not as luscious as Barbie’s. Her moving eyes were a little creepy and she sort of had that musty antique doll style to her. But those little worn patches on her skin and the permanent dirt on her knees endeared me to her even more. She and I together made a complete package of misfits. A little off-kilter, a little sloppy, a little defective in manner, if only to the naked eye. She belonged with me.

Turns out there’s this ancient philosophy called Wabi Sabi that celebrates the imperfections, the worn-out places, the dirt in the cracks. This Whole Living article turned me on to the whole idea and it completely clicked with me. It makes sense that I was repelled by perfection. Nothing bothered me more in school than copy-cats who strove to be closer to the cool girl’s idea of perfect. The pretentious, the trite, the mainstream–all of these things bothered me to no end. And for good reason. Perfection is delusional and denotes a lack of character. Striving for perfection is a fruitless endeavor, while celebrating flaws encourages us to take pure delight in our own and others’ idiosyncrasies.

Now I have an excuse to not get rid of my little teapot with the crack through the lid. Oh happy day! XOXOXO Baby Doll.

Swearing off the Boob Tube

I wrote a letter to a chronically late friend some time ago explaining how this momma needs to take stock of what she’s spending her time on and extinguish all the pesky places where time seems to be meaninglessly burned. In this case, it was waiting around for hours for her. Another huge time-sapping activity for me is watching television.

So, I watched a movie this weekend and sort of felt robbed afterwards. I couldn’t believe I spent those golden hours while my child napped engrossed in something so stupid, meaningless, unauthentic, and ridiculous. So I feel that I need to consciously rearrange the agenda a bit and zap television from my day-to-day playlist.

Not only does television provide constant reminders of what we don’t have it also diminishes bodily health. There is a direct relationship between time spent watching TV and the weight of the person watching. The more hours you watch, the fatter you get. It’s blunt, but it’s the gosh-darn truth.

In an effort to be more productive, energetic, and healthy; to be a positive role model for my son; and to pursue my passions much more rigorously than I have been, I am taking a sabbatical from the boob tube. I’d much rather:

*Make music like the two delightful young girls we saw at the coffee shop open mic, playing cellos and singing sweetly to their own worthy lyrics.

*Shop for beautiful antiques saturated with stories like quilts and old-time storybooks and dainty hors d’oeuvre forks.

*Cook exquisite Gordon Ramsay-worthy food beside my husband

*Make acoustical noise around the fire

*Fill sketchbooks with musings and colored pencil drawings

*Cut pretty pictures from magazines to collage into vision boards

*Make musical instruments from stuff we have just laying around the house and jam away with my talented two-year-old

*Perusing the farmer’s market with friends who actually cherish their time with me

*Hone my flexibility and feelings of inner peace with yoga

*Honoring my legs and lungs with a sprint around the neighborhood

Turning Happiness Up a Notch

I mentioned something in a previous post about always doing something to nourish yourself, such as listening to music at work. I’ve been thinking a lot about this and I can see so many benefits from listening at work that I thought it would be beneficial to share so that everyone can benefit from it.

1. Music drowns out those “corporate sounds” of copying machines, bubblers cooling off, high heels on concrete, sales calls, incessant typing and other noises that sometimes stifle our sense of individuality.

2. Your taste in music and the emotions that the music evokes provide you with a sense of place in the world that extends far beyond the makeshift walls of your cubicle. It’s so easy to surrender to the grind that we could sometimes use a shift.

3. I tend to find lyrics the perfect ignition for my creative wheels. Sometimes a line of music–or even my mis-hearing of a line–provides me with an idea that churns itself into a pearl.

4. This is your chance to learn about new and unheard-of artists. Pandora is my go-to place. You type in your favorite song or artist or someone you hear about in a magazine or blog posting and you get a personalized radio station with similar-sounding musicians to expand your playlist.

5. Music has the profound ability to change or complement any mood. I turn on the meditation stations when I’m getting stressed out or the modern folk station when I need an artistic boost.

Today I’m listening to classical music, trying to memorize the names of composers and broaden my cultural knowledge. Come on, tune in!

Mining Happiness

Some of the best things in life right now:

1. Pink lemonade in spring
2. The warm crook of a baby’s neck
3. Those first days you can open your windows
4. An unexpected greeting card
5. Special occasions to dress up for
6. Songs that answer what you’ve been thinking
7. Purrs
8. A cute clutch
9. Anything with frosting
10. A fleeting whiff of hyacinth
11. Candid images
12. The first glimpse of spring flowers
13. Sitting with your knees to your chest with a friend
14. Clean sheets
15. Kitten heels
16. Church bells
17. An unsolicited hug
18. Early morning sunlight
19. Clean floors and bare feet
20. The sound of an acoustic guitar
21. A perfectly set table
22. Girl talk
23. Fresh chives from outside the back door
24. Watching the person in front of you breathe
25. A crisp, colorful magazine in the mailbox
27. Fresh-swabbed ears
28. A casual, swinging skirt
29. Travel plans
30. Fingernails all at the same length

Coddling the Inner Princess

Why do we deny ourselves the simple everyday luxuries that make us feel special, unique, perhaps hinting at regal. I am currently reading the book Wear More Cashmere which provides 151 ways a woman can treat herself to luxuriant indulgences for very little cost. And why not?

Why do we save so little for ourselves? We save the best hand towels for special occasions and guests, we save the last penny for some elusive crumb, and we tend to the mundane yet noble tasks that our various roles require.

But those cumbersome roles can hold us back if we let them. We tend to forget the magnitude of our own existences. We pull the weeds in place of tending new relationships. In the overwhelming responsibilities that we take upon ourselves, we forget the true happiness that comes from choosing a new bottle of perfume. I do not condone frivolity, but I do promote a small measure of luxury every once in awhile to soothe the soul, especially when it’s been buried beneath the weight of selflessness.

Right now I’m listening to some contemporary folk music that is raising my hair with its effect. Wrapping me up like high thread count sheets. Sometimes I forget how well music treats me. Shortly after enlarging our family, I had to buy a Vogue magazine. I’m normally not a Vogue kind of person. The style is far above anything I could afford or understand. But I just needed to completely submerge myself in something absolutely indulgent. It symbolized to me something that overcame the bounds of motherhood that seemed to tighten quickly around me. It offered a little sense of relief.

I have denied myself many things in the name of practicality and it’s taking a lot of work to come back around to me.

Swallowing My Happy Pill

I am making a concerted effort with myself to actually follow through on methods that are tried-and-true and either backed by outside research or personal experience. It’s as though I have all the arsenal I need, I just need to shoot the damn gun! In this case, we’re focusing on personal happiness.

Just like in my previous post, I know good reasons why I shouldn’t skip gym sessions, but sometimes it takes a written refresher to revive the flame. The same goes with my happiness. I know what makes me happy, but when I’m having a true downer of a day, it seems like nothing will turn it around. So, I’ll have to train myself to just take a mindless approach, choose a method, and just do it without thinking! It’s kind of a wonder I don’t spend all my time, outside of work, rolling in these daisies.

Things I know will make me happy:

1. Spending time outdoors, such as hiking, swinging at the park, or just sitting in the backyard.

2. Sun exposure. OK I firmly promote the use of sunscreen always, always, always. One of the biggest mood boosts comes from the sun, but you’re not doing your body any favors by doing it without SPF.

3. Surrounding myself with music by the likes of Beth Orton, Rusted Root, Jewel, Miranda Lambert, Little BigTown, Norah Jones or any other artsy favorites.

4. Buying something decadent in a bottle, be it eye cream, red wine, or chutney. I’m not talking about retail therapy per se or emotional eating, just personal-care therapy. Vonnegut wrote that once a man stops taking care of himself, he dies.

5. Guided meditation. I know it sounds a little fruity–I am spiritual to a certain degree, but just listening to affirmations or nature noises for a few minutes has a way of settling the respiratory and nervous systems.

6. A good Yoga session

7. A good long run

8. Remembering past accomplishments, compliments or delights. This means, ahem, I need to start/keep a gratitude journal. Referring back to memorable moments has a way of sending out those happy little brain chemicals.

9. Attending church. We all have different ideas and beliefs when it comes to religion and spirituality, but personally I always feel a little bit lighter after a good service.

10. Re-runs of Sex and the City. (well…not right after church, but anyway…)

11. A good read. Usually some good chick lit. Now, I’m a pretty selective reader and I enjoy literature with depth or antiquity. But a little charming indulgence can go a long way for my disposition.

12. Related to 11 is a good blog. I’ve found some stimulating, motivating reads online that seem to leave me in a blissful state.

13. Snuggling

14. Almost anything that has to do with the baby if it doesn’t involve a diaper or whining. My favorites are dancing with him, holding his hand, sharing food with him, watching him sleep and breathe, playing drums with him, rocking him to sleep and so much more.

15. Eating a salad or tomato mixture with fresh ingredients from my own garden.

16. Growing seedlings.

17. And probably my all-time favorite would be a great massage. I think I’m going to book one, just as a preventative measure:)