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What Not To Do When You Work Out

Every once in awhile I face an exercise obstacle that I didn’t anticipate. Like any learning opportunity, these little snafus give me ideas for doing things better and encourage a good cathartic laugh.

Rule #1: Never try to rollerblade while pulling a child in a wagon. I mean, I was pretty sure this wasn’t going to work anyway. But my husband insisted that changing the bike seat back into a running stroller was no simple task. So we tried the next best thing: the wagon. Impossible! By the way, even if you hook a dog leash to the handle, you’ll still be panting and swerving all over the sidewalk. Oh my gosh, think of what we looked like to onlookers. Ha! We originally wanted to bring our son along on this “family outing,” but ended up finding a sitter for a good 30 minute ride.

Rule #2: Don’t rollerblade anywhere near the lake when the lakeflies are in season. We had no idea they were swarming until we were eating them in the thicks of their buzzing. Our city has a problem with this breed of buzzers for about two weeks every spring and they literally form a black wall for a good block all around the lake. Honey quick! Turn around! Cover your face and nose! Yes, they are that bad! People from around here know exactly what I mean. People from anywhere else will not believe me.

Rule #3: Do not talk to me while I’m on the treadmill. I’m not trying to be rude or antisocial or callous or disconnected when I say this. I’m just not well-equipped to keep up with myself and carry on conversation at the same time. I am a master multi-tasker, and I don’t normally get very moody, but try talking to me while I’m running. I just can’t do it. I have a one-track mind on the treadmill. I can read magazines on there, but I just can’t talk.

Rule #4: Don’t close your eyes and jam out to your music on the treadmill. It’s a little funny, but potentially very dangerous. I watched as my mom edged toward the back of the treadmill and slid right off the back before I even had a chance to warn her. We both laughed really hard, but it definitely could’ve turned out much worse.

Rule #5: Never try to go for a run with the jogging stroller AND the dog. I always feel guilty when I go out running without bringing one or the other. The dog never really gets enough exercise and the baby will throw himself on the floor crying if I leave without him. So one time, like a good mommy, I thought I’d try bringing both. Wrong move. First of all, good running form is completely impossible. Both hands are tied up so you can’t swing them. You’re hunched over the stroller while one arm is being tugged. You can’t concentrate and enjoy your run when you have the baby asking to get out and walk and the dog is trying to chase a squirrel on the other side. Just don’t do it!

Be careful out there. There are so many ways to bang oneself up in and outside a gym. Some of them, you’ll just never see coming though.

Tracy Anderson 30-Day Method Review

I’m on Day One. I don’t know if I’ll really make it to Day 30. But I wanted to give the method a shot. And hey, the library carries it for free! I can try before I buy.

Here are the cons: The cardio video segments have absolutely no instruction. Anderson jumps around in front of the camera, and just as you get used to one jump, she changes to another and another. Through most of the video, you feel like you’re just trying to catch up. Then, Cardio Segment One and Two look exactly the same. So similar, in fact, that I had to stop the video and return to the menu to make sure I picked the right segment. As I’ve noticed in all the clips I’ve seen of Anderson, she doesn’t like to talk or look away from the mirror and she doesn’t apologize for it. In fact, a mirror is one piece of required equipment, so you can watch yourself too. I didn’t understand the connection to skin tone either. Apparently, by doing the Anderson Method, your skin will clear up. I wasn’t sure if she was referring to cellulite or making a claim about coloring. And the diet consists of your choice of soup, salad or green kale shakes. (And you better have a solid craving for fresh cracked black pepper because it’s in everything.) I mostly disregarded this section.

The pros: I do have a deep respect for Anderson’s devotion to research though, if it is as she says. I just wish I knew more background about the research itself. It’s so very hush hush secretive, and I’m not sure if it’s because she doesn’t want people to copy her method or because the evidence is so paper-thin that we’d all disregard it. I do enjoy the matwork, even if I’m incapable of doing 50 reps of each at the moment. I don’t think I would commit to doing the Anderson Method solely, because of the nonproportioned focus on the same sets of muscles over and over again. However, I would incorporate many of these moves into my regular routine.

I can’t quite put my finger on the dance-y stuff that seems off, but it just doesn’t look like any sort of real dance to me. I think the focus is mainly on dynamic heart-pumping movement and less on dance steps. And I’m not convinced that I shouldn’t do anything that’s not part of the Method. (Hello, faithful running addict here.) But I would take bits and pieces of the Method to incorporate into my own workout system. And I would love to try one of Anderson’s studios (for much less than the staggering $900/hr), which look more like Cirque du Soleil practice halls than gyms. After all, who doesn’t want that teeny tiny Anderson body?

Wrestling Around

Crow pose

Wrestling around must be good for your family life and your health. Last night, my husband and I spread a blanket in the living room and challenged each other to some crazy challenging poses. I challenged him to the Crow, Bow, Bridge and Camel poses from Yoga. By the way, he can actually do the Crow pose and I can’t. He challenged me to the partial headstand. He can keep his legs vertical, mine stay slanted. We also did some weird tandem moves that he remembered from back in grade school. Then he showed me some real wresting moves that he did back in his one year on the high school team.

Meanwhile, our son was doing somersaults and being my rescuer from daddy. We looked like a bunch of goons, but it was fun. The TV and computer stayed off. We were laughing like crazy. We reminisced about high school and gym classes. And I can feel the effects in my legs and back today. I never had more fun working out. In fact, I didn’t even consider it a workout.

Exercise Role Models

I can’t tell you how pleased I was when I saw my son incorporating a “workout” into his imaginary play. I grew up in a household where no one moved. Taking the dog around the block caused quite the groaning and griping. I didn’t have a real role model for exercise. Or healthy eating, for that matter. To say the least, it was grueling work to train myself to be the active person I am today. To watch my son pretending to do pushups is so rewarding, it’s unbelievable. He will never have to retrain his whole body and pattern of thought into an active way of life–it will be natural.

My husband has been participating in a Biggest Loser contest at his workplace as well. Our son is seeing him working up a sweat, running on the treadmill and weight training on my step bench. The first time the little man saw him, he pulled my arm with eyes wide: “Look momma, look. Look at Da!” It was something my son wasn’t used to seeing from my other half.

And recently, the little man has been doing some of the moves with me. When I’m doing easy stuff like walking in place or jumping, he’ll stand next to me and pull his best pose. He always has to do a minute of walking on the treadmill before I’m allowed to use it too. It’s comical. But it’s also gratifying to know that I can be a good role model for him. And it doesn’t take much. It just takes him watching me make exercise a normal part of my life. He won’t know any other way.

This is the best way for momma to lose too! With my husband working out and crunching calories and losing weight at the bat of an eye, I, who am already a fitness buff, am making strides. I lost 2 lbs just this week. And while that doesn’t sound like much, it’s a huge feat when you’re way closer to your healthy weight. I’ve been trying to lose those 2 pesky pounds for four months.

Working Every Muscle

When I started working out, I stuck to a strict plan of running 30 minutes straight and then working out each major muscle group. If a workout plan ripped from a magazine didn’t incorporate every muscle group, I’d either ditch it or supplement it with additional moves. I had to hit biceps, triceps, abs, legs, calves and butt. That was that. No compromise. Even if I got bored, I didn’t stray from this plan.

Then, I got smarter. Working out the same muscles in the same way with each workout spells “plateau.” I am not that strict with myself anymore. I still love running and enjoy hitting the treadmill or pavement for around 35 minutes every other day. I don’t analyze it down to a science though. Sometimes I incorporate fartleks or intervals at random. Sometimes I juice up the incline to make sure I keep getting results. Sometimes I pick a cardio plan at random from the archives and go with it. When I’m training for a run, I’ll print a plan and use that. Running at the same pace straight through doesn’t do a thing for improving endurance.

My strength training is also very unpredictable. It’s pretty go-with-the-flow. On days I’m feeling super-pumped, I do tougher strength training. On days I’m feeling wiped and not much like working out, I’ll do some easier Yoga and stretching. Over the course of the week, I know I’ve hit all sorts of different muscle groups. I like to do different magazine workouts or online/on-demand videos so my body never gets used to anything. And I don’t worry too much about what I’m doing as long as I’m doing something and I can FEEL it.

For me, the only rules are that I need both cardio and strength. And I need to feel it when I’m done. Here’s my schedule:

Cardio: 35 min running/3x per week
Strength Training: 20 min/3x per week.
Other: I walk to and from work whenever I can and sometimes do an extra weekend run with a friend or bike ride with my family. Lunch breaks are broken up by a 1/2-hour of laps, and summer will find me taking walks whenever I can with my toddler.

Cutting the Cable

I don’t know what I’m going to do when we have to cancel our three-month trial of our extra cable channels. We originally got the extras specifically for FitTV (now called Fit & Health), by my request. And at around $5 for the first few months, it’s soooo worth it!

Now I don’t know what’s going on with FitTV these days, but I seem to remember seeing a lot more workouts than there are now. Anyhow, I had to wait two full days before there were any actual workout videos playing after work. I got all suited up and into position, ready to change the channel promptly at 5:00. “FitTV is currently unavailable.” Excuse me?

I was not a satisfied customer when the only channel on the whole tube that I care about was currently unavailable. My husband saw the look on my face and dutifully started dialing. The fastest they could send a technician was on the weekend. After several unsatisfactory phone transfers, the lady on the line pointed us to ExerciseTV On Demand. Oh brother!

Handfuls and handfuls of fitness videos I can turn on as I please? I don’t have to do the same workout twice? Hallelujah! Those videos I bought a month ago will be collecting dust for three months because I won’t waste them (and risk growing tired of them faster) until On Demand is gone. Believe you me I am going to squeeze every last drop of potential out of those channels until our time is up.

You Know You’re a Fitness Junkie When…

…You spend over $100 on Amazon in one fell swoop. All on workout DVDs and Yoga decks. No sweat though (well, for the cost anyway). This was my attempt to spend my hard-earned Christmas money (I’ve been a pretty good girl this year) and capitalize on some wellness moola at work. Score!

On the menu are Ellen Barrett’s Barefoot Cardio, some good ole Quick Fix and 10 Minute Solution DVDs, a Bollywood dance workout, Shape Magazine’s bikini body workout, a ballet-inspired Reach workout, some Iron Yoga, a small bit of capoeira, and some Shiva Rae. Ooooh. Aaaaaah. Endorphins, my drug of choice.

And as you can tell, I despise workout monotony. I have to refresh every once in awhile or my motivation wanes. I love trying all different types of movements, as you can tell. And if I can multitask while working out, all the better (i.e. learning new dance moves, practicing meditation while I move, getting strength and cardio done in one shot).

Now, I eagerly wait by the mailbox…

The Great Remote Search

I’m not the lazy type that searches the entire house for the remote just to change the TV channels from the couch. Oh no. But for the past two days I’ve been in a real bind. I’ve wanted to work out to several different fitness DVDs, but I can’t find the DVD remote. The actual box itself can only do so much. What about when I want to get to the third workout on that Turbo Jam DVD? I. just. can’t. get to it! Ugh.

However, this did force me to pull out my old bundle of ripped-out magazine workouts and put them to darn good use. You should see the stack I have. You know those file envelopes with like 8 file dividers? I have two of those jam-packed about 2-inches thick with every type of workout you can think of from capoeira to back-to-the-80s leg warmer workouts to tae bo, you name it! And I always have good intentions of using them (otherwise I wouldn’t horde them so), but somehow I just don’t.

It’s much easier for me to throw in a DVD and capitalize on the Chalene-style energy. Almost like I’m working out with someone else or in a class setting. I take less breaks and pump a whole lot harder. Those DVDs keep me a whole lot more accountable than a piece of paper I have to stop and read. But I did use the paper this time. And I liked it. Especially with my own music cranked up and the boys out of the house.

Post-Workout Shower

I have an odd conundrum that has to do with the post-workout shower. Ok, I admit I have gone places after a sweaty workout. I try to keep this social snafu to a minimum, but I assure you I never go to bed without a full lather-off. So, what do you do the next morning when your hair is all crazy kinked but you’re still shower fresh? I know a lot of people who will take another shower in the morning. I have done that too, especially in the sticky summer heat, but it seems like such a waste–of water and extra time. They do tell you to even skip a day of showering for the benefit of your hair and skin moisture levels, which I just won’t do. But double showering must do a real number on oil production.

So, if I take a shower in the morning and another shower post-workout that same day and don’t take one the following morning, I still come out with my socially-acceptable one shower a day. Whew, at least I can keep my social standing. But I still don’t know what to do about that hideous bed-head. It’s not the cute Jennifer Aniston-esque-beach-wave-bed-head. It’s the three-year-old-girl-after-a-day-of-craziness type.

Anyhow, so far, the only remedies I’ve come up with are clips to pin my hair back. It also helps if I wear a hat on my walk to work to flatten some of the bumps. Otherwise, cute pixie pigtails or a headband seem to do the trick. My hair’s too short right now to resort to the oft-used ponytail. I may have to grow it out just for that reason. But then I’m afraid I’ll get lazy and use the ponytail solution every day again like I’ve done before.

Sweating it out at the Dinner Table

It was the first time I had ever heard it, and it wasn’t even from my own child. “Yes, you’re embarassing me.” What? I embarass you? You who wears ripped, stained, cutoff clothes on occasion? And what about that shirt with a dog and a cloud coming from its backend that says “blame the dog?” Well, this certainly is a first.

I guess there really is a first time for everything. No one’s ever really been embarassed by me before, at least that have come out and admitted it. I do on occasion accidentally wear toothpaste on my shirt. This time my husband was embarassed to go out to eat with me while I was still wearing my a-bit-sweaty workout clothes. I didn’t stink and there were no visible wet spots. Geez, I guess I can be a bit of a fitness junky sometimes when my own post-workout body doesn’t even bother me anymore.

I have always wondered what fitness instructors, especially celebrity ones like Jillian, do when they have to teach classes or personally train people all day. Do they shower just to take their lunch break? Probably not. And I’ve heard about regular people who work out on their lunch breaks. You can’t tell me that they don’t sweat. Just a little. And then return to work in the same clothes. I wholeheartedly agree that pit stains and skunk smells are totally gross. But I sort of revel in that post-workout glisten and glow.

And it’s not like we were going anywhere fancy.