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Author: Jessica Marie

Professional copywriter, NASM certified personal trainer, mom of 2

A Dream Journal Entry

I had a dream last night that I was commending a younger woman, maybe 21, for publishing her first book. It almost felt as though I was talking to a different manifestation of myself. The girl was at a book release party and I was offering my praise to her for writing without consequence, indulging her talent despite the oppressive gamble that a writing profession can become, and making her way despite all the cumbersome rules and regulations of the writing world. She just wrote, simple as that. She did not fear the critics in her future. She did not read all the writing literature that could have made her feel like an unqualified impostor. She did not put down her pen when the plot puzzle seemed insolvable. She wrote, she worked, she succeeded.

This dream seemed to be a push for my later-20s self to get to it! Just write! And perhaps enjoy my productive 20s exactly as I would like them.

Taking Stock

Today is my birthday and there’s no better day to take stock of your life than on the very day it began.

Although I’m edging closer and closer to 30, and my husband has pointed out some wrinkles beneath my eyes (thanks dear), I know I have a whole lot more to offer this planet in oncoming years.

Since it’s my birthday and I can do whatever I want, I want to make sure I spend the whole year indulging in things that I truly do want. I don’t want the majority of my life to be spent focusing on things that don’t matter. I received a completely fitting birthday email from my favorite website, sparkpeople.com, that said “what matters most in life is often viewed as peripheral to the things we usually focus on” and that’s just not right. We all have to work and we all have responsibilities, but that does not mean we should direct all our energy towards meaningless dust.

Even when we’re at work, we can indulge in our favorite music on headphones, we can surround ourselves with fragrant flowers, and we can use our breaks to participate in our passions. Even when we’re commuting in heavy traffic, we can listen to our favorite audio books. Even when we’re waiting in a long line, we can take those moments to visualize our dream vacations or plot our Great American Novels.

This year will be the year I participate only in things that nourish my body and soul. Even formidable trips to the dentist have their place in whole-body wellbeing. And sweeping the kitchen provides a renewed, purified caccoon for my family and me. (After all, a clean room is much more relaxing to me). But also squeezing in lunches with friends, cultural activities and trips. Nourishing the body and soul not only involves doing things we’re passionate about, but also acknowledging the nourishing aspects of the events that at first seem obstructive to our wellbeing.

Personal Goal List

I think it’s important to have a list of printed goals rather than a mind full of fleeting I-wish-I-would-haves or someday-I-wills. There are always steps we can take to accomplish almost anything, no matter how far-fetched they may seem.

I think it’s important to return to a childlike state of mind sometimes as well. I wrote a few songs in grade school that a music teacher translated into music for a Christmas pageant at church. There were no critics, no research, no statistics of songwriting success standing in my way.

Anyhow, here is my current list of goals. And this is a work in progress. I’ll update as I think of new things.

Fitness goals:
1. Become a personal trainer.
2. Win a running race.
3. Run a race in another state.
4. Yoga: Be flexible enough to clasp my arms behind my back and master crow pose.
5. Write a fitness magazine article that gets printed in a major publication.
6. Be spotlighted in a fitness article as a success story.

Career goals:
1. Publish a novel.
2. Publish a book of poems.
3. Write magazine articles.
4. Be asked for an autograph from someone that I don’t know.

Home life:
1. Move into a beautiful home in the country with a large sun room, hardwood floors, lots of windows and an inherent clean feeling where bums aren’t likely to sleep on the porch or shatter windshields.

Trips
1. Weekend spa trip with yoga, nourishing food, and meditation.
2. Visit a remote location that has barely been touched by humans.
3. Snorkel to the coral reefs

Infomercial Maniac

I know one. Someone who has bought multiple products off of infomercials, especially when she worked third shift and infomercials were the only things on the channel-deficient television she was allowed to watch. Some were laughable (everyone knows there’s no cure for stretch marks), some legitimate (I’ve heard good things about Proactiv®). Now I’m starting to bend for some. Namely P90X and Slim in 6. I don’t really know a whole lot about them, but the buzz around me suggests they might be worth a shot.

I adore the idea of a complete fitness plan in one bundle where all the guesswork is removed and workouts are changed up every so often to keep muscles and people from getting bored. I’m not too keen on the price for something I’d like to see/try first. And P90X even sounds a bit hardcore for my athletic taste. There are always mixed reviews from people who have tried it which doesn’t make the decision any easier. I think I’ll wait until my neighbor or someone else close by tries it so I can get a first-hand account. (And maybe borrow a DVD or two just to preview it).

Feeling of Freedom

I won’t give you my opinions on war, but I will say that I have undying support for our service members.

One of my very favorite things in life is the singing of the Star Spangled Banner at sporting events and any other organized event. The pride, the hands on the hearts, the removed hats, the way everyone drops what they’re doing to stand still and listen, the way the song provides a feeling of cohesion and belonging among everyone in attendance, the people brave enough to sing those notes, the reverent silence, the depth behind the lyrics and the explosive applause afterwards. I get a little choked up every. single. time. So many emotions rush through me that it’s difficult to keep my composure, but in a good way. I am proud that the flag yet waves o’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Stott Pilates

I went on a search for sunglasses two days ago at a discount home store and ended up coming across a Stott Pilates DVD for just $4. Naturally, as I’m always on the lookout for something new/different and affordable, I bought it. And last night I worked out along with the video and was pleasantly surprised.

I have tried a whole variety of Pilates DVDs only to be bored with the all-too-familiar repetition of the same old moves. Sometimes it seems like if you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. You do the hundred; you do you do the side-lying leg series; you do some single and double leg stretches; you do the saw, etc. However, this Stott Pilates DVD offered a lot of variations and a lot of adjustments that made the moves even more challenging (a bonus for the challenge-seeking non-beginners and beginners alike). You do the hundred on your knees and pump your arms from all different directions. But don’t worry, you can still feel it in the core!

I actually felt rejuvenated after my workout and I felt like I actually worked out my arms. Imagine that–a Pilates routine that works on the arms! There were some isolated upper back moves, a few different kinds of push ups and a few different moves that integrated the biceps and triceps into the movements.

I think I might make a trip back to that store and make a few more selections while supplies last and the price is right!

Gregorian Chant

I hope you don’t think I’m a fruitcake, but I’m listening to Gregorian Chant on Pandora (the irony isn’t lost on me) as we speak.

There is something so simplistic, yet something so powerful about this antiquated music form. It’s deeply soothing, deeply spiritual and deeply grounding even though it’s orchestrated without any accompanying music whatsoever. It takes any anxiety or tightness and melts it away. The resonant, meditative quality leaves you feeling like you have an innate sense of well being and purity.

The music brings me back to the safety and incense of the Catholic church I grew up in, the wooden pews, the skyward ceilings and the melancholy yet artful stained glass windows; a constant in my life.

Giving In

One of the most important things you can do on a diet is to splurge. Yes, you heard that right. This can even applies to any other regimen you put yourself on, be it anything from budget to fitness-related.

Take the family that gets themselves into financial trouble by eating out almost every night. Instead of completely cutting dining out of their budget, they’d be more likely to abide by a revised budget if they penciled in restaurant meals once a week. A woman should never have to completely eliminate chocolate from her diet. She should indulge even once a day on a small piece of rich dark chocolate. Better yet, expensive dark chocolate. That way it really feels like a quality satisfying luxury, but one that’s under control. Take dining out of the budget and chocolate out of the pantry, and you basically set yourself up for a binge. We all strongly desire what we think we can’t have. Of course, these indulgences shouldn’t happen after every single meal and shouldn’t be in giant-sized proportions. Just a little something…

Portion control is important as is the quality of food eaten, but just as important are those moments when you surrender. No one can stick to a budget or fitness plan without a little fun and indulgence built in.

The Loss of a Much-Smaller Child

I participated in a mourning ceremony yesterday. Wait, wait…no one died, thank heavens! But it was a mourning ceremony nonetheless. I went through my son’s clothes from this past year and brought out all the new 24-month/2T stuff (whatever the heck the difference is). Some of my favorite little outfits went to the thrift store pile. Only a few pieces made their way to the attic for that just-in-case incident that another little fellow would join our family. As I went, the pj’s got a little longer, shirts got a little wider and shoes took up more space in the top drawer. While I don’t need to hang on to four bottle of Desitin, especially since potty training is in the works, I have a really hard time putting them in the donate pile when I really still want to be able to use them.

Hunched over for two hours organizing and purging that tiny little wardrobe not only did a number on my physical body, it also affected my store of momma emotions. That minuscule sweep of time from chubby thighs to long, stringy legs; that span of time between immobility and unstoppable energy; that wisp of time that carries the needy infant to the self-sufficient toddler passes nearly without notice until you’re caught off-guard eliminating that tiny-hood from your mind and home.

A mom must really prepare herself for that constant evolution. She must steel herself against that trap of continuously feeling loss that she could let herself fall into. But she must also revel in those miraculous moments where she notices that something she had a tremendous part in creating is truly thriving and all those doubts about having a healthy child fall away.

Is an active job a workout?

I had a small argument with my dad about this. After a trip to the doctor, we was told his chances of having a heart attack were off the charts due to a combination of factors, including smoking, high cholesterol/triglyceride/everything readings, eating a full bag of Cheetos in one sitting and sleeping every hour he wasn’t at work. My dad was previously a construction worker for over 20 years of his life. The man has some pipes. But he also has quite the belly and much-too-high cholesterol levels.

I know construction work can be exhausting. But just because you work in an active job doesn’t mean you earn rights to eat anything you want. Just because you lift heavy objects all day does not give you license to neglect other body parts and your flexibility. Just because you only eat a small amount per day doesn’t mean that calorie allowance should be filled with filth. And just because said lifting builds muscle, it doesn’t mean you are getting any cardiovascular exercise, elevating your heart rate for an extended period of time. There is a HUGE difference. Let’s not even get me started on the smoking, daddy-o!

And dad refuses to switch from white foods to whole grains; refuses to eliminate popcorn drowned in extra butter melted in the microwave; and refuses to eat most foods from the produce section, and that’s just a start. He swears he doesn’t eat that bad, but a real, honest food log would tell an entirely different story. I don’t mean to rip on him, but I just have a hard time not getting mad. Now that I’ve made healthy trades and sort of jumped over to the “healthy” side, I absolutely hate excuses and I am easily saddened by situations where people decide not to take care of themselves. I suppose that’s because I’ve done a lot of reading and research about how certain foods and exercise affect your health. Unhealthy people have probably not done so (or ignore the facts) and don’t really understand what they’re doing to their bodies.

I’ve helped when I’ve been asked. It’s a gentle subject and I know the worst thing I could do is persist. I’ve given him a diagram of exercises to help strengthen his back and alleviate his pain, which I’m pretty sure ended up as a coaster. I made an entire booklet of information for him about healthy nutrition, because he couldn’t afford to go to a nutritionist. Even though I was asked, I was still insulted (basically told I didn’t know anything) and the book was completely ignored (i.e. discarded). Hours and hours of work down the drain is enough to make anyone angry.

When I became a mother, I lived, breathed, spoke, thought, and constantly worried about my health and that of my child. I think that’s a natural reaction for a parent. I can’t imagine losing anyone this close, especially for reasons that are within their control. I can so clearly see this teetering on a tightrope and it nearly makes me sick. I don’t want to see my daddy hurting, especially like this. Please pops, can you do better than this so we can enjoy your presence for much much longer?