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Flushing Away Free Time

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I always wonder what the Kool Kats do when they go home from work. I like to imagine that everyone is immersed in a challenging home improvement task, slaving away at complicated recipes, penning the next Harry Potter, attending humanitarian club meetings or catching up with a handful of close companions. But I am willing to guess there’s a lot more couch glorifying and TV trance-partaking than any world-changing events happening behind those double French doors.

There’s also the choice between keeping yourself up-to-date on the best seasonal television shows and other buzz-worthy programs or crafting purses out of vintage fabric for a few extra dimes. It’s “lazy versus productive” pitched against “current versus out-of-the-loop”. Where’s the balance?

Being a mom brings with it a vault-full of extra guilt. If I’m not spending my free time building block towers for my 1-1/2-year-old to destroy, I always feel a little remorse (except during naptime). If I thought I never had any time B.C. (Before Child), I was out of my mind! Now, I really don’t have any time. Or do I?

I struggle with getting any writing, crafting, or other projects to show for my time accomplished without curious digits yanking pens out of my hand or demanding my full attention. Cleaning is feasible with Peanut around, but only to a point. Don’t get me wrong, I love engaging Peanut in wrestling, building and hiding games. But I also spend a lot of time thinking about what I could be doing with my free time. Even during Peanut’s naptime, I struggle with the what to do, what to do… When noontime on a Saturday rolls around, I often just want to crash and then I suffer the guilt afterwards of all the life-changing challenges I could’ve taken on during those blessed three hours.

The trouble is, I lose interest in projects. I start writing projects and abandon them. I print off art projects and never so much as buy the supplies. I dream about decadent gourmet dinners but lose interest in bringing them to fruition. But I feel like I need these projects to unleash my creative energy upon.

It makes me wonder if anyone else with these strong impulses to be productive actually do produce anything or if they succumb to numbness once in awhile. It’s much easier to relax into a simple lifestyle and suppress those urges than to twist wire into museum-worthy sculpture. Will the Kool Kats emerge from their basements with an amazing invention one day or do they just shop and get their hair done to rectify their status?

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