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Putting a Little Love in My Heart

abstract heart
Picture from Zen on Flickr

I know it’s a few days late, but my heart was peeled open on Valentine’s day by a quick scan through an old journal I kept. I found the pages where my husband and I became an item. And the date–May of 2003! The story isn’t overly interesting, there is no plot climax, no sparkling lift-off. It’s all pretty tame. But the feelings I felt after reading it tell another story.

I could practically feel the butterflies again. I was reliving some of the conversations and critical moments. I was laughing about how he always tried to surprise me with things and the uncanny ways it never worked out. I was laughing at all the people on the roster that wanted us to start “going out.” I read aloud some of the sappy and funny things to my husband and we both enjoyed the good-humored reminiscing.

The next day, I woke up feeling like someone had hit the “refresh” button. There were emotions stirred up inside me that had long been forgotten. I looked at my husband like he still had some charm left:) Ha! But anyway, I felt very different. On a small high, if you will.

This got me thinking even further into using writing as cheap therapy. Writing down five things that were great about your day or nice things people said to you is rather healthy. I found some compliments in this same journal that gave me a bit of an emotional lift even this many years later, but I know I wasn’t thinking about that when I wrote them down. Write them down today and who knows what sort of joy they’ll bring in a year or five. I know exactly where I’ll turn when I need a little boost about the feelings of my marriage.

I am 26, but feel like I’m 20.3

Take the RealAge(r) test at the Realage website to see how old your body is in terms of how you take care of it, how healthy you are, and other contributing factors. I am happy to say, I am feeling 6 years younger today.

After you take the test, you can find out what’s making you younger and older. There are Health, Habits, Relationships, Diet and Fitness recommendations you can follow to help improve your score. It’s amazing what flossing, drinking red wine with dinner, and owning a dog can do for your body! But it also told me to buy that silver SUV we’ve been looking at (larger vehicles provide more protection and apparently silver vehicles are 50% less likely to be involved in serious accidents. Who knew?) I don’t know if we can swing that since unemployment checks don’t fly as income.

Here’s something else I had a sneaky suspicion about. The quiz results say I work out TOO MUCH. It says, “In fact, your workout is at the level of an athlete” and then offers strategies to slow down a little bit. I’ve programmed myself to find exercise opportunities in all those extra daily minutes, like one segment of the 10-minute Solution DVD before work, then walk to work, walk briskly with a friend at lunch, walk home, and fit in a more intense workout and strength sessions MWF, and then sneak in a few more walks and workouts on the weekend. I loathe sitting around, what can I say?

But it seemed like after I had my baby, breastfed, and walked slowly with him, weight fell off my body faster than it ever did before. Perhaps less is more.

It’s kind of funny, because after a health assessment at work one time, the nurse insisted that I get more exercise. I repeated how much I worked out several times and she kept saying I needed to do more. I just rolled my eyes. I always knew it was the food holding me back, not the exercise.

I also learned from the quiz that my target heart rate for working out is about 194 (220-age). I think I’ll try to keep track of this tomorrow and request a heart rate monitor for Christmas:)

Married to a Potato

Well, I used to be a potato too, a couch potato that is. I never really had a very active upbringing aside from dreaded gym classes and recreational volleyball and softball. So, I completely understand the “Potato Mentality.” I picked up a fitness habit around 2001 and have stuck with it ever since. I later added the healthy eating part of the equation, and still work on this part to this day.

The trouble is, my husband is a true couch potato. There are noticeable markings on the area of the couch where he always sits indicating that he spends a lot of time there. This can be very discouraging. It’s also difficult, when you understand the high value of healthy habits, watching your partner not take care of themselves. It’s difficult when you don’t have the same goals and you feel as if you’re missing out on having the perfect workout buddy.

There’s a difference though between acquiring your partner’s participation and acquiring his support. My husband has always supported my fitness habits. True, there was a time when he offered me an unhealthy serving of cake right after I worked out, but for the most part, he’s very supportive. Just two days ago, I was on the treadmill for maybe 10 minutes when I turned if off and said “I just can’t do this tonight.” He encouraged me, well…nearly demanded, that I get back on. It worked! I stayed on for a full 35 minutes and felt much better afterwards. So, the support is very important. You need only ask.

By being a role model, perhaps one day you will inspire your significant other to begin their own healthy habits. You can offer little nudges, perhaps by showing them interesting articles you’ve read or relaying other tidbits. My husband has an injured back, so when I come across articles about how exercising decreases back pain, I like to gently remind him of how he could “cure” himself or at least feel better, which he is understandably highly receptive to. Also, hearing it from a source other than me improves the likelihood that it will get through, but that’s a whole different story. Just please promise you won’t nag! This will make health-ifying that much more of a chore for your partner. And it’s a very private, personal choice that a person has to make for themselves.

Aside from being encouraging, maybe you are able to control the weekly menu to help your partner at least in the diet arena. Find a healthy cookbook that remakes some of your partner’s favorites. You need not mention what you’ve done lest they refuse the food on principle. Some secrets really are healthy!

The good news is, my husband has agreed to run a 5k with me in April. Well ok, maybe he’ll walk it with me, but that’s a wonderful change either way. It seems he has been finding more and more excuses to walk and fit in extra exercise. So, I signed the registration, sent in the money, and smiled at the thought of crossing the finish line with my new fitness buddy.

This Will Make You Uncomfortable

Don’t worry, I’m not going to divulge some gory details about myself or anything. I’m just going to tout the benefits of breaking out of your comfort zone.

It’s easy to go home, cuddle under a blanket and watch television for the evening, perhaps even in a different room than your significant other because you have significantly different tastes in entertainment. If you’re only aspiring to get nowhere, this plan is fine. But if you’re sitting there looking at the TV thinking you could make up the next invention for the Shark Tank or sweat as much as the next contestant on Biggest Loser, you’re cheating yourself by falling into these comfortable patterns.

Losing weight and making a healthy lifestyle change are going to be uncomfortable for a time. I’m sorry to break it to you, but there’s no magic involved. No fairy dust you can buy on an infomercial. If you plan for a little blood, sweat and tears, you’ll be much more prepared to plunge through it. You’ll begin to create your own little first aid kit to clean up the damage. But don’t worry, it’s not that scary either, especially when you make small changes one at a time.

You’ll feel a little out of breath doing cardio, you’ll feel that “good burn” the day (or two) following strength routines, you’ll try fitness classes that make you move in ways you never have before, you’ll feel out of place in the gym, you’ll want to stop halfway through some days, you’ll indulge in guilty treats once in awhile. But I promise you, if you’re a little bit uncomfortable, you’ll turn your nondescript life or body into something extraordinary.

By the time you’ve established a healthy lifestyle, you’ll notice a big change. Now you’ll be uncomfortable when you see a stack of deep-fried onion rings being served to the table next to you at the restaurant, because you sure as heck didn’t order heart damage. You’ll be the one that’s uncomfortable watching the overweight woman holding her thighs trying to make it up the stairwell, because you’ll know all too well the deep dissatisfaction this feeling caused you in the past. Most importantly, you’ll be uncomfortable just sitting still.

This really applies to many things in life, including your relationships, work life, hobby pursuits or anything you can think of. Showing up in a room where you don’t know anyone, approaching your partner with a subject you’ve never broached before, or taking on a work project you feel unqualified to do will leave you a little on edge. But the rewards you will reap for your uncomfortable-ness will be beyond compare. You’ll be glad you stepped out of your bubble. You’ll rejoice when you cross those finish lines you never imagined you’d be crossing.

After all, would you rather be a little uncomfortable and working towards achievement, or comfortable and stagnant, receiving nothing in return for nothing? Prepare to be uncomfortable!